Matt Foley  Arkham spoof
by LittleMissStark
Summary: this is  mainly for my friends to see. its just easier uploading this here an giving them a link instead of emailing it and hoping it works   also my printer does not work...boo


**Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker spoof**

**Arkahm Nurse...Krista  
>Scarecrow...Bill<br>Joker...Cayla Matt Foley...Greg  
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[ open on interior, living room like setting - front door opens, as Arkham nurse follows her patients inside ]

**Nurse**: Alright,sit down. [ the patients sit down on the couch ] Once again you two have broken out. Joker, [she looks at the paper on her clip bored] you have caused over one million dollars in damages...[sighs heavily, annoyed being once again back at square one] again. Over 5 buildings destroyed, over a 200 people hospitalized. Close to a hundred of those people were D.O.A

**Joker: **[scoffs] only 200? im losing my touch.

**Nurse**:[pinches the bridge of her nose in annoyance and stress] Look, I don't know what gets into you.. you _ freaks _[joker tries to lash at her but scarecrow stops him. Joker crosses his arms with a huff of annoyance and anger].. but, for **once**, I'm not even gonna try to find out! Now iv brought in some...different form of treatment

**Joker**: Gee, did you really didn't have to go to all that trouble so if we could just go now. [attempt to walk out but scarecrow takes hold of his arm again, making him crash into the couch cushion.]

**Scarecrow**: [unamused] Who is it?

**Nurse**: His name is Matt Foley, and he's a motivational speaker. [joker looked a little freaked out now at hearing the name] Now, he's been in the lobby eating No-Doze for about four hours now im going to go get him. [looks sternly at both of them] don't move. [walks out the door]

[both are silent for a few moments before joker starts freaking out]

**Joker:**we gotta get out of here!

**Scarecrow**: why? Whats going on?

**Joker**: because...i know him.

**Scarecrow**: you know him?

**Joker**J: well..not really. [gets up trying to figure out how to open the locked door in a panic]Once in a break in I got trapped in the ventilation system. Apparently the dad brought him over to settle his two teenage brats. All he did was break there coffee table and window.

**Scarecrow:** I wonder what he fears?

**Joker:** [failing at getting the lock open] who cares! Help me get his lock before he-[gets cut off as the door opens, just as he falls in, Matt foley catches him and forces him back in the room] too late.

**Matt Foley**: [ enters living room bouncing slightly and carrying the joker with an arm a little too tightly around his shoulder ] Well, well, well where you going? Sit down, get comfortable! [forces the joker down on the couch] Now, as your nurse told you, my name is Matt Foley, and I am a motivational speaker! Before I begin, I want to tell you a little about myself, so you'll know where I'm coming from. [joker rolls his eyes and looks bored] First off, I am 35 years old.. I am **thrice** divorced.. and I live in a **van down by the river!** [ approaches scarecrow] We'll start with **you**! Now, let me begin with an obvious question: **Who threw the bomb?**

**Scarecrow**: I don't know. But I _can_ tell you what you're afraid of. [ after a few seconds of silence, the two villains laugh, Matt looking a little scared] I don't know, quite a few of us broke out.

**Matt Foley**: [ mimicking ] _I.. don't.. know_! Well, _that_ and a nickel will get you a hot cup of **jack squat! **Clowny, you want to throw in your two cents?

**Joker**: [quietly,trying to hide into the couch] hell no.

**Matt Foley**: huh? Well, well, well.. a few minutes ago you were all as lively as a bunch of fish laughing and giggling, throwing bombs around Gotham like a short-order cook at a **truck stop!**"Hey, man, look at me go, bombs! I'm the bomb-Man, **coo-coo-ca-blew!** [ laughs ] That's a riot, you kids are having a ball! Well, **get over it!** [ approaches joker ] Now, **what**, may I ask, did you hope to accomplish by these shenanigans?

**Joker**: [ throat, still speaking a little quietly] well my personal goal was to make city hall explode. [cracks up laughing]

**Matt Foley**: [ laughs ] Well, well, the jokes keep on coming! [ approaches scarecrow] Help me out scary, I can't see real good, is that Bob Hope over there? Huh? You keep it up, pal, there's a big future in it! Kids, this reminds me of a spooky Halloween story. Nurse, that's your cue. [nurse turns off the lights, and Matt shines a flashlight below his face ] Once, there was a boy who liked to throw things. He started out throwing eggs. Then, he threw the big game. Then, he threw back a shot of whiskey. Then he threw up. Then he got thrown out of the house, and then he moved into a **van down by the river!** nurse, lights! [ Nurse turns the lights back on ]

**Scarcrow**: Matt, this is what we do.

**Joker:** yeah, kinda why were in here.

**Matt Foley**: So, that's what...you do? How do you think the People felt? Hey, let's find out! I'll be you, and you be the people you terrorize! [ picks joker up and spins him around the room ] "**Hey, look at me! Im scary! Im gonna blow a building to little bits! **[ trips and falls backwards onto the coffee table , taking joker with him.]

**joker:** [gets up] ow!

**nurse**: [ Shocked,interceding ] Alright, Matt, I think you made your point..

**Matt Foley**: Nurse I wish you'd sincerely do everyone a great service, and **clam up!**Now, as I see it, there is only one solution, and that is for me to transform this group of super criminals into functional civilians Don't worry, kids, we'll still have fun! [ retreats to a nearby room ] Who needs high powered explosives when you've got soapy water and a little elbow grease? [ returns with some mop buckets ] Everyone, grab a bucket! [scarecrow complies, just wanting to get it over with but joker stays seated, trying to hide. Matt forces him up, forcing a mop in his hand.

Nurse:[sighs heavily] Please Matt, I think this is enough.

Matt: [turns to her ] now mam [places his hand on her shoulder, she flinches,not liking the contact] Im sure your great in your profession of..of..uh

Nurse: [sternly]Nurse.

Matt.: [pretending he got it himself] Nurse! Your profession of Nursing, but I am also a professional and I think it would be very helpful if you would **shut your damn yapper!**

Nurse: excuse me but can you explain to me how mopping the floors help there mental states?

Matt: [thinks for a moment] mam, it would be very helpful if you didn't interfere-

nurse: [angry] you have no explanation do you? [grabs him roughly by the arm, he barely moves] I thinks its time fr you to go now.

Matt: [struggles out of her grasp] hey! Im not going anywhere! This has been the closest thing to a home in 6 months! [screaming right in the nurses face] and I am going to get my things, come back because im sick of **livin in a van down by the river! **[he huffs out the door that goes to the lobby, the nurse quickly locks the door and leans against it.]

Scarecrow: is he gone?

Nurse: if he comes back,i want you two to help me get that man into a cell.

Joker: [hugs her] we'll do whatever you want, just don't let him back in!

Scarecrow: [pats the nurse on the shoulder] we'll be good from now on.


End file.
